What a difference between all of you and me!! My professional career was in international university relations; I loved it. I had the opportunity to travel to many countries and met so many interesting people. I was always writing but never got around to finishing a novel. Now, I've written three and I'm on Substack mostly to learn how that works and how I can promote my next novel through social media. In the meantime, I am sort of hooked ... it's definitely a lot of fun as long as you don' t put too much pressure on yourself. So, thanks a lot for sharing your experience and your journeys - I'll take it as a warning!
I started blogging in 2009. I've gone viral so many times (I have a quote that has been shared -- we estimate over 50 million times) and built a massive following on Facebook (over a million). I still run (and love) my Facebook page. I'm so grateful for social media and these platforms because it has become my career.
And yet, just like you said, virality is addictive and defining.
And there have been some seasons where it burned me out -- the need to create, the pressure of the numbers, etc... Yet, so many people -- my publishers, media, etc.... they look to it. They use it as "proof" and so forth. It's a metric.
But, again, in recent years, I've been trying to figure out how to breathe in this life and not miss it. It's this balance (which I write about so much) between hustle and rest, strength and flexibility, creativity and determination, etc... So reading your words, it's yet another reminder from the universe to slow down, to breathe, and to remember why I started.
I loved to write. I loved to connect with others.
Wait.
I love to write.
I love to connect with others.
And that? That's why I'm here on Substack. And that is why I appreciate your words more than I could ever express. Thank you.
Rachel, this was so great to read. I wonder what you've done to maintain your balance? I would love some tips. It's a battle I wage every day. Some days are easier than others, for sure, but it still creeps up on me.
Balance is an interesting word for me because I never seem to get to the place of balance. So, over the last couple of years, I've shifted to the concept of balancing. It's this ebb and flow, give and take, strength and flexibility, back and forth way of existing. And I think that's the idea with maintaining balance, too. But it also gives us the grace to have moments where we are off balance. I can be ridiculously hard on myself and critical, instead of allowing myself the grace to be human. And not only recover but try again.
Now, with regards to this online world and the metrics coupled with the art form, I've really had to lean into less judgment of myself for the moments when I get stuck in the pressures of creating within a very metric world. The metrics, the numbers -- they matter, too -- because that's what provides for my family. I have to pay attention to them AND I have to learn from them. But, I also need to, in some ways, lessen the emotional charge the numbers hold so they don't get falsely attached to worth.
And because I've been in this world for so long (and have coached entrepreneurs), I've seen that, which we all know, growth is rarely a solid upticking exponential line. It has plateaus and dips and virality -- all mixed together.
It's so easy to feel frustrated in the places where growth isn't as palpable. I know. I've learned to use those times to sink into the analytical part of myself (instead of judging it) and to learn and look for patterns of growth.
As far as the inner critic, that's a tough one. But everything is constantly changing and fluctuating. I started my social media growth on Twitter and made a pivot. It's being willing to bend, to turn, to take the pivot. And to let the days of lower numbers not be a "worth" definer. I often remind myself of the power of the influence of one. If my writing helps one, then I'm good. And remember one shares with one who shares with one, which grows.
I've actually taught classes on virality, and the core principle always goes back to the power of one person. And for me, as a writer, someone who wants to inspire and motivate, ultimately, offering hope to one is such a gift.
This probably was all over the place, but that's because I am still learning, and just like you said, "Some days are easier than others, for sure, but it still creeps up on me." To that, I would like to say, you are not alone. Me too, me too.
I can’t even tell you how seen I feel right now. At almost 42 (this Sunday!), I still fall into comparison trap mode on social…but I’ve been able to divorce myself a little from the constant need for validation. Now, it’s just a partial need for validation 🤪. Seriously, though, THANK YOU.
Thank you for this article! I agree with you 100%. I have been in the writing business for a very long time now. I started working as a journalist more than 35 years ago when the Internet was available in my country at a reasonably acceptable price and without much effort, in 1997, I started publishing on the Internet. Initially as a hobby and later also professionally, and I have experienced the whole wave movements that you also describe. I was running a blog before anyone had a name for it. I was at the forefront in the 2000s when social media emerged. I know these ups and downs myself, the burn-out, the pressure. And I know that it always works the way you describe it. Only the channel changes the medium, the audience, the tool, the platform, yes, it's addictive. And by now I'm reaching an age where it just doesn't matter. But I still like to learn. That's why I signed up for your Note Challenge, for example.
I had already subscribed and unsubscribed to many gurus here on Substack and on Medium. Before I signed up for your challenge, I did a lot of research. I asked ChatGPT for facts and an assessment of who you are and whether you can be trusted. As you can see, ChatGPT gave a good testimonial for you. :-)
And yes, as often as you emphasize that you are also a guru but different, I can confirm that. Keep up the good work!
Wow Roland that's so cool! I never really thought of asking ChatGPT to give facts or an assessment on someone you are about to buy from. It's a great idea. People keep giving me awesome use cases for AI every day! :) I'm happy you're with me.
I appreciate your realness, Tom. All this is true. I’ve never got sucked into that level of content creation because I’m older and life wouldn’t let me - too many kids and paid work to service alongside writing novels and other books.
But I totally understand the rush of good numbers. I had to do a lot of inner work, healing that part of me that craves love (bad childhood!) because I could tell it would never be fulfilled by people loving my writing.
Ros, when you speak, I listen. I really admire you a lot and have a mountain of respect for you. I'm happy your path as a creator hasn't veered off into some dark places like mine--at least in terms of seeking validation and stuff. I love watching your journey play out in real time here on SS! :)
Well, I shan't say I haven't been seeking external validation: why otherwise am I so dead-set on getting traditional book deals and having publishers enter me for prizes? BUT I recognise it's dysfunctional, and some challenges over the last 5 years have forced me to do the work so that I don't hook my whole self-worth into getting a book published, or having an academic job (or here, having some post or note go viral; though a few have done very well, as you know).
I agree with all of this. As someone who has become somewhat successful on Medium in the last year or so, I realized I was constantly "chasing" metrics and boosts while my enjoyment dwindled. I feel like I'm continually pushing myself to crank out an article a week (which is the most I can do - a lot of my work is detailed and has several references I need to source, etc). And I found myself dreading it. Lately, I've been trying to give myself more breaks when needed. I realize that to be a "working writer," I need to keep a somewhat consistent posting schedule, but I also don't want to burn out. I've been trying to find that happy medium (no pun intended). Thanks for sharing your experiences. PS - didn't know you were a poker player?!?! So cool!
Hehe Christie I played for a year or so before I gave it up. It was fun! I made some friends. Felt like such a fish out of water sometimes as everyone spoke Spanish at the table and I could only understand bits and pieces of what they were saying.
Tom, this read like a dopamine detox wrapped in a confessional sermon. Viral fame sounds a lot like eating Pringles. Once you pop, the spiral never stops :)
Hey, just read one of your latest posts, and I gotta say, I can totally relate to your journey with validation and the rollercoaster of online success. It's wild how that first comment can feel like a genuine high, and yet it also sets this crazy bar for what success really means. I get where you're coming from about the pressures of growing your audience—it can be exhilarating, but also overwhelming, right?
Your honesty about the darker side of going viral really struck a chord with me. How do you find balance now? I'd love to hear more about your perspective on navigating those highs and lows while staying true to yourself.
Hey William! Honestly? It's still hard for me to find balance sometimes. I really struggle with it to this day. I just try my best to disconnect from my work. Exercise, hobbies, whatever. I delete the apps from my phone. I go cook a meal. I just try to get my mind in a different head space because if I don't, I'll start obsessing. It's very easy to start obsessing for me. I started going to jiu jitsu recently and it's like 2 hours straight of no phones, just living in the moment, human contact, etc. It does wonders. It really does. Even just a 2 hour break can be enough to reset your mind, and you come out feeling awesome. I hope that helps.
I really appreciate your grounded approach to succeeding online. It's needed. Thank you for what you do.
Being a paid subscriber of yours has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had on any platform. We don't have much money in my house, but every penny that is spent goes towards something that matters. And this is something that matters, and makes a difference in my life. Not just my writing, my life.
Then you hit with that last bit about the things that go viral are sometimes really really stupid. So do we even really want to go viral?
And I think we refer to it as going viral for a reason. A virus has pretty much negative connotations all the way around. So maybe we do need to rethink our relationships with going viral.
That's a really good point Sam. First off, thanks for being a paid subscriber. I put all the money I make to good use (I have a cat now 😆, no more poker). Second, yeah, I mean a lot of the stuff that goes viral is totally ridiculous. Especially on video-based platforms like Tiktok or Youtube. I can't believe half the stuff that goes viral there--especially with shorts. Viral posts on writing platforms tend to be a bit more edifying, let's say, but there's still a lot of garbage that goes viral on X or LinkedIn, and even here on Notes. All that to say.. you got a major point here.
What a difference between all of you and me!! My professional career was in international university relations; I loved it. I had the opportunity to travel to many countries and met so many interesting people. I was always writing but never got around to finishing a novel. Now, I've written three and I'm on Substack mostly to learn how that works and how I can promote my next novel through social media. In the meantime, I am sort of hooked ... it's definitely a lot of fun as long as you don' t put too much pressure on yourself. So, thanks a lot for sharing your experience and your journeys - I'll take it as a warning!
Anette good luck on Substack! :)
Thank you! And thanks for your posts - they are eye-openers
All of this. Every word.
I started blogging in 2009. I've gone viral so many times (I have a quote that has been shared -- we estimate over 50 million times) and built a massive following on Facebook (over a million). I still run (and love) my Facebook page. I'm so grateful for social media and these platforms because it has become my career.
And yet, just like you said, virality is addictive and defining.
And there have been some seasons where it burned me out -- the need to create, the pressure of the numbers, etc... Yet, so many people -- my publishers, media, etc.... they look to it. They use it as "proof" and so forth. It's a metric.
But, again, in recent years, I've been trying to figure out how to breathe in this life and not miss it. It's this balance (which I write about so much) between hustle and rest, strength and flexibility, creativity and determination, etc... So reading your words, it's yet another reminder from the universe to slow down, to breathe, and to remember why I started.
I loved to write. I loved to connect with others.
Wait.
I love to write.
I love to connect with others.
And that? That's why I'm here on Substack. And that is why I appreciate your words more than I could ever express. Thank you.
Rachel, this was so great to read. I wonder what you've done to maintain your balance? I would love some tips. It's a battle I wage every day. Some days are easier than others, for sure, but it still creeps up on me.
Thanks, Tom.
Balance is an interesting word for me because I never seem to get to the place of balance. So, over the last couple of years, I've shifted to the concept of balancing. It's this ebb and flow, give and take, strength and flexibility, back and forth way of existing. And I think that's the idea with maintaining balance, too. But it also gives us the grace to have moments where we are off balance. I can be ridiculously hard on myself and critical, instead of allowing myself the grace to be human. And not only recover but try again.
Now, with regards to this online world and the metrics coupled with the art form, I've really had to lean into less judgment of myself for the moments when I get stuck in the pressures of creating within a very metric world. The metrics, the numbers -- they matter, too -- because that's what provides for my family. I have to pay attention to them AND I have to learn from them. But, I also need to, in some ways, lessen the emotional charge the numbers hold so they don't get falsely attached to worth.
And because I've been in this world for so long (and have coached entrepreneurs), I've seen that, which we all know, growth is rarely a solid upticking exponential line. It has plateaus and dips and virality -- all mixed together.
It's so easy to feel frustrated in the places where growth isn't as palpable. I know. I've learned to use those times to sink into the analytical part of myself (instead of judging it) and to learn and look for patterns of growth.
As far as the inner critic, that's a tough one. But everything is constantly changing and fluctuating. I started my social media growth on Twitter and made a pivot. It's being willing to bend, to turn, to take the pivot. And to let the days of lower numbers not be a "worth" definer. I often remind myself of the power of the influence of one. If my writing helps one, then I'm good. And remember one shares with one who shares with one, which grows.
I've actually taught classes on virality, and the core principle always goes back to the power of one person. And for me, as a writer, someone who wants to inspire and motivate, ultimately, offering hope to one is such a gift.
This probably was all over the place, but that's because I am still learning, and just like you said, "Some days are easier than others, for sure, but it still creeps up on me." To that, I would like to say, you are not alone. Me too, me too.
Thank you for a great discussion.
~Rachel
This was so helpful. You reminded me to reign myself in because if I don’t, I become discontent and want more and more.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us Tom!
I can’t even tell you how seen I feel right now. At almost 42 (this Sunday!), I still fall into comparison trap mode on social…but I’ve been able to divorce myself a little from the constant need for validation. Now, it’s just a partial need for validation 🤪. Seriously, though, THANK YOU.
Haha thanks Laura for the comment. Same here. This is a letter to myself just as much as it is a letter to everyone else. :)
Thank you for this article! I agree with you 100%. I have been in the writing business for a very long time now. I started working as a journalist more than 35 years ago when the Internet was available in my country at a reasonably acceptable price and without much effort, in 1997, I started publishing on the Internet. Initially as a hobby and later also professionally, and I have experienced the whole wave movements that you also describe. I was running a blog before anyone had a name for it. I was at the forefront in the 2000s when social media emerged. I know these ups and downs myself, the burn-out, the pressure. And I know that it always works the way you describe it. Only the channel changes the medium, the audience, the tool, the platform, yes, it's addictive. And by now I'm reaching an age where it just doesn't matter. But I still like to learn. That's why I signed up for your Note Challenge, for example.
I had already subscribed and unsubscribed to many gurus here on Substack and on Medium. Before I signed up for your challenge, I did a lot of research. I asked ChatGPT for facts and an assessment of who you are and whether you can be trusted. As you can see, ChatGPT gave a good testimonial for you. :-)
And yes, as often as you emphasize that you are also a guru but different, I can confirm that. Keep up the good work!
Wow Roland that's so cool! I never really thought of asking ChatGPT to give facts or an assessment on someone you are about to buy from. It's a great idea. People keep giving me awesome use cases for AI every day! :) I'm happy you're with me.
My gosh, what an awesome post! You opened my eyes to a lot of things that I was mostly unaware of.
THIS.
ALL of it.
How the HECK has this not gone viral yet??!?
Hehe it's all good Yolanda. If it helped a few people I'm good with that.
I appreciate your realness, Tom. All this is true. I’ve never got sucked into that level of content creation because I’m older and life wouldn’t let me - too many kids and paid work to service alongside writing novels and other books.
But I totally understand the rush of good numbers. I had to do a lot of inner work, healing that part of me that craves love (bad childhood!) because I could tell it would never be fulfilled by people loving my writing.
Ros, when you speak, I listen. I really admire you a lot and have a mountain of respect for you. I'm happy your path as a creator hasn't veered off into some dark places like mine--at least in terms of seeking validation and stuff. I love watching your journey play out in real time here on SS! :)
Well, I shan't say I haven't been seeking external validation: why otherwise am I so dead-set on getting traditional book deals and having publishers enter me for prizes? BUT I recognise it's dysfunctional, and some challenges over the last 5 years have forced me to do the work so that I don't hook my whole self-worth into getting a book published, or having an academic job (or here, having some post or note go viral; though a few have done very well, as you know).
That was a good rant with sage advice.
It seems a key is to avoid the get rich quick schemes.
You had me at the title Writing the Long Game.
Content going viral would be cool but a steady income is better.
I agree with all of this. As someone who has become somewhat successful on Medium in the last year or so, I realized I was constantly "chasing" metrics and boosts while my enjoyment dwindled. I feel like I'm continually pushing myself to crank out an article a week (which is the most I can do - a lot of my work is detailed and has several references I need to source, etc). And I found myself dreading it. Lately, I've been trying to give myself more breaks when needed. I realize that to be a "working writer," I need to keep a somewhat consistent posting schedule, but I also don't want to burn out. I've been trying to find that happy medium (no pun intended). Thanks for sharing your experiences. PS - didn't know you were a poker player?!?! So cool!
Hehe Christie I played for a year or so before I gave it up. It was fun! I made some friends. Felt like such a fish out of water sometimes as everyone spoke Spanish at the table and I could only understand bits and pieces of what they were saying.
What a breath of fresh air! Love your honesty, Tom, as well as your perspective from a younger generation.
Tom, this read like a dopamine detox wrapped in a confessional sermon. Viral fame sounds a lot like eating Pringles. Once you pop, the spiral never stops :)
Hey, just read one of your latest posts, and I gotta say, I can totally relate to your journey with validation and the rollercoaster of online success. It's wild how that first comment can feel like a genuine high, and yet it also sets this crazy bar for what success really means. I get where you're coming from about the pressures of growing your audience—it can be exhilarating, but also overwhelming, right?
Your honesty about the darker side of going viral really struck a chord with me. How do you find balance now? I'd love to hear more about your perspective on navigating those highs and lows while staying true to yourself.
Hey William! Honestly? It's still hard for me to find balance sometimes. I really struggle with it to this day. I just try my best to disconnect from my work. Exercise, hobbies, whatever. I delete the apps from my phone. I go cook a meal. I just try to get my mind in a different head space because if I don't, I'll start obsessing. It's very easy to start obsessing for me. I started going to jiu jitsu recently and it's like 2 hours straight of no phones, just living in the moment, human contact, etc. It does wonders. It really does. Even just a 2 hour break can be enough to reset your mind, and you come out feeling awesome. I hope that helps.
Wow, that was so real for me. Except that I haven't managed to go viral, although I've certainly tried. For The Right Reasons, of course.
I really appreciate your grounded approach to succeeding online. It's needed. Thank you for what you do.
Being a paid subscriber of yours has been one of the most rewarding experiences I've had on any platform. We don't have much money in my house, but every penny that is spent goes towards something that matters. And this is something that matters, and makes a difference in my life. Not just my writing, my life.
Then you hit with that last bit about the things that go viral are sometimes really really stupid. So do we even really want to go viral?
And I think we refer to it as going viral for a reason. A virus has pretty much negative connotations all the way around. So maybe we do need to rethink our relationships with going viral.
That's a really good point Sam. First off, thanks for being a paid subscriber. I put all the money I make to good use (I have a cat now 😆, no more poker). Second, yeah, I mean a lot of the stuff that goes viral is totally ridiculous. Especially on video-based platforms like Tiktok or Youtube. I can't believe half the stuff that goes viral there--especially with shorts. Viral posts on writing platforms tend to be a bit more edifying, let's say, but there's still a lot of garbage that goes viral on X or LinkedIn, and even here on Notes. All that to say.. you got a major point here.
Could not be happier that my subscription pays for a cat to live rent free. Cats are my favorite.